The Complicated Gender Politics of Being a Muslim Kid

As most of the well-informed intelligentsia know, Muslims believe in the segregation of the sexes. Of course, this stems from an inherently suspicious view of human nature as fallen and naturally prone to sin. In other words, the basic formulation is this:

Boy + Girl --> Temptation --> Acting on one's impulses --> Zina

While my tone may seem light as in jest, I assure you, dear blog reader, that religion is no laughing matter; unfortunately, my style of writing has an inherent feel of satire and mockery that I can't seem to rid myself of no matter how hard I try (Oscar Wilde suffered from a similar affliction). Nevertheless, here is a sample Hadith on the matter:

"Do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]"

Here is the punishment for zina (it doesn't look too good, folks):

"Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as God has made sacred, except for just cause, nor commit fornication; and any that does this (not only) meets punishment (but) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy." (Al-Furqan, 25:68-69).

In light of such proclamations by the Prophet (SWT) and Allah, it becomes quite clear why most of the younger generation of American-Muslims suffers from a very confused conception of gender politics. After all, one of the guiding pillars of this country is the free intermingling between the sexes (right after bombing countries that don't comply with our wishes "back to the Stone Age," as Pervez Musharraf once famously complained). The conservative Muslims are trapped in a rock and a hard place (forgive the cliche). Should one abandon the stringent rules of religion and hang ten with all those cute boys (or girls)? Or should one cling desperately to the deen and go all in - finding solace in same sex relationships and acting with the utmost awkwardness when a member of the opposite sex passes?

In general, however, those who still regard the faith as a way of life have found a healthy, if not hypocritical, balance. A conversation that occurs constantly within Muslim circles is this: "OMG, it is soooo much easier to talk to non-Saracen (i.e. white folk) guys/girls than it is to have Muslim guy/girl friends!"And so, an implicit rule remains: one can more easily fraternize with a member of the opposite sex as long as they are not Muslim.

What results is a hypocritical and complicated social dance, where Muslim guys and girls segregate to opposite ends of the room when there is a mixed gathering and pretend the other side does not exist. One's brothers/sisters in Islam are merely vapor that one studiously ignores so that one can be accepted into mainstream Muslim society.

In fact, I, myself, blogger extrordinaire, am prone to such practices. For example, there are some Pakistani guys I have known since I was 0, our parents are best friends, we're neighbors blah blah blah, and yet have I had a conversation with them? Tragically, no. When it's time for Eid-ul-fitr, and we have received massive numbers of Eid hugs, we pass each others like strangers on a crowded street.

However, when it comes time to fraternize with "infidels" (read: non-Muslim guys), we embrace them with gusto and carve a special place in our hearts for them. We act like typical, assimilated American kids - here I am with my friend Joe, who loves water skiing and comes from a Presbyterian family, we have so much in common! Here I am with Tiffany at the club, drinking....a Coke. Ah, how we forget the Hadiths about male/female fraternizing so readily when it comes to these guys (or girls). Do we feel "safe," knowing that Joe's mom Tina won't readily sully our names within the Pakistani community, or do we know that we have a mungather, hand-picked by Mom, awaiting in Jhelum?

But in my own defense, maybe we engage in these hypocrisies because with our fellow Muslims we both know the boundaries we should have and treading into the dangerous waters of zina becomes so much easier with this knowledge. Maybe we don't feel so "safe" when it's two Muslim people, because as we both know that really, this exchange of goodwill and greetings should not even be occurring. Ah, to be young and Muslim in America.

--By Mariam, who both muzza kari hai aapne mulkh mei aapne khandan kai saath. Yeah, that's right, pull out your Urdu to English translators.