I promise we didn't couples match

Looks like both Mariam and Farrah will be residents at Wake Forest University. Good news, the blog doesn't die here!

Critical Analysis of a Tile: Part IV

The interview season is winding down, and while I have a pile of 15 thank you cards to write, I am taking a break to provide more blogging entertainment. So now back by popular demand, another critical analysis of drawings on tile.

Farrah: The size of these kites couldn't really generate enough lift when compared to the placement of the string and the size of the bows. The message of "be free" doesn't exactly make sense in a hospital setting. What is this child trying to imply? Be free of medical treatment? The parents who avoid vaccination aren't setting anything free other than a new epidemic of mumps. Be free of disease? How is being free of disease related to kites? If you set a kite free, it doesn't have a brain, and it can't feel the importance of its liberation. It might even land in a local river, suffocate a swan, and leave a baby swan behind who thinks it's ugly while it is raised amongst the ducks! Finally, these supposed "kites" look strikingly similar to a spermatozoa with a crude drawing of the mitochondria in the tail. I don't know where these sperm are going to "be free," but I do know it's inappropriate for children.

Mariam: I am wondering what exactly the association between hospitals and kites is, too, Farrah. But, really, who can fathom what kind of crazy shit goes on in a kid's mind? One interpretation is that the kid is stuck in the hospital and weird people keep waking him up to poke him and check on him, and maybe he wants to "be free" of the hospital and walk out AMA*. I highly don't recommend that because then insurance doesn't pay for your visit, and who the hell wants to pay a $30,000 hospital bill out of pocket? Also, I'd like to point out the inaccuracy of the tile as well - first of all, kites are not free - they are tethered by a string and held by a snot-nosed kid (such as the one who painted this tile). In fact, they are totally operator-dependent. If a kid wanted to make an accurate (albeit irrelevant) tile about freedom, he should have painted some birds. Now, birds are totally free.

*= Against medical advice

--By Mariam and Farrah, who spent this past week making jokes about Dr. Spaceman.

Critical Analysis of Drawings on Tile: Part IV of a Series

While we are studying for the USMLE and learning about child psychiatry, we don't want to leave our dear blog readers without art to critically analyze. Here is part IV of the series:
Farrah: The degree of jaundice here implies pancreatic cancer. Very hard to cure. This child is very ambitious, very ambitious indeed. Also that shot looks like a pen.

Mariam: You totally couldn't cure cancer with a simple "shot" to the hand. You'd need central line access shit to "cure" cancer AT THE VERY LEAST.

--by Farrah and Mariam, one of us saw Julie and Julia, and it reminded her of us, in our infinite narcissism

Crtical Analysis of Drawings on a Tile: Part III of a Series

To help you dear blog readers pass the monotony of summer nights, here is another critical analysis of a child's drawing. Warning: it's one of the most challenging drawings to date.



Farrah: This drawing captures the very terrible nature of illness. Especially illness next to triangle shaped gravity-defying houses.

Mariam: ?!!???

--By Farrah and Mariam, who are now MS4s at UTCOM.

Critical Analysis of Drawings on Tile: Part II of a Series

We are well aware of the popularity of this series, and so, we present to you Part II of the series. Please comment below on what your analysis of the art is. After all, we bring a huge part of ourselves as observers when we examine art or in this case the confusing nature of child drawings. For more see: Part I of the Series.

Farrah: This picture was clearly drawn by an adult! CHEATING! Nice representation of sterile technique though, except for the LACK OF EYE PROTECTION.  Shit in the eyes is a very likely complication of said "miracle of birth." 

Mariam: Your cynicism about this tile is so ugly and disheartening. This kid could be the next Michelangelo for all you know. However, I'm not sure what is going on with these proportions - the torso of this butch-looking lady is way too short to give birth to anything remotely human. The "miracle of Rosemary's baby" perhaps?

--By Mariam and Farrah, who should be studying for their surgery shelf so they will never have to endure this horrific rotation again.

Critical Analysis of Drawings on Tile: Part I of a Series

The walls of the pediatric ward at our local hospital are decorated with touching tiles made by children about illness, recovery, or any of the other fascinating things that can occupy the mind of a child about weighty topics such as death, dying, and cancer. Though they could only work in blue, yellow, green, and maroon, since these were the only colors given to them by the Color Nazi hospital admins, the tiles add an artistic flair to the dull walls of the hospital. They were drawn by children who are now grown adults. Maybe they can look back at these tiles of yore make some objective observations about their art. And since we can't possibly track down those folks, we will offer our own critical analysis of the tiles in Part I of the series.

Farrah: This picture doesn't really differentiate between hurt and better. The sun is shining in both sections which doesn't really leave kids with a motivation to move towards better. A+ for spelling. B- for leaves on trees.

Mariam: I completely concur with your analysis. I really don't see much difference except that the tree is closer to the so-called "patients" in the "better" picture. I am truly not getting a sense as to what the hospital did for this child except plant some trees. Def a C- effort and that is only because I'm feeling generous.

--By Farrah and Mariam, who are not this critical of people who are still children, and who actually want to heal kids when they grow up (which probably won't happen anytime soon)

Pimpin' with Mr. Cami

On Saturday, August 25, 2007, Elvis Cami left the library and under Ashot's urging decided to attend a medical school party. Elvis was weary! Shit, we had like 32 bateriology lectures to get through, but under Ashot's worldly guidance, Elvis ventured into the hedonistic world of sin and temptation and the evils of drink.

Elvis THOUGHT he'd associate only with medical school kids with a like-minded desire for studying and drinking heavily. But unbeknowest to him, fate had different plans. In the manner of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle or Superbad, a simple task of getting laid and totally wasted at a party went awry, and crazy hijinks ensued. It was a night little Elvis Cami would NEVER forget.

Here's a preview of what was to come: a flirtation with a lady of the night, who tragically turned out to be a drag queen from the South Side of Toledo, Ashot GHBing Elvis's drink, which made him do uncharacteristic things like give people hugs and smile a lot and admit he loves puppies and Chinese babies. Finally, Elvis met the woman, the myth, the legend of Baywatch, the former Mrs. Kid Rock, herself, the boobtastic Pamela Anderson. And here it is, kids: her, in all her glory with Elvis, resident MCO pimp.



--By Mariam and Farrah, MS2s

How to be Girly - Lesson 3: Anatomy of a Facebook Profile

A wise sage once said, "A Facebook profile is a window into a person's soul." And so, every girl's Facebook profile should reflect the best, brightest, most artfully and artificially crafted version of herself. This will not only help you snag a fratastic, investment banker guy with strong, well-toned arms, but a bikini shot of you at the beach with your "girls" will help you get like 1,000 friends!
Below is a sample Facebook profile that will help you win friends, guys, and ummm....pretty!

Activities: All activities must be super girly (ex. shopping, going out, girly, fruity drinks)! It's okay to like some masculine things, like college basketball (or for God's sake, at least feign interest in it) so that you can have something to talk about with guys.

Interests: Hopefully, girl-appropriate interests. If you are unsure of what that is, then you need more help than even the backrowballers can give.

Favorite Music: Do not put obscure indie bands as your fave music. Guys will be intimidated by your pop culture knowledge. Acceptable: Paris Hilton's "Starz are blind." Not acceptable: Nada Surf, Marcus Eaton and the Lobby.

Favorite Movies: Never put foreign films, movies about the Holocaust, or any other pretentious Oscar fare as a favorite movie. Are you trying to look smart? Romantic comedies starring Kate Hudson or more old school movies with Meg Ryan (a la Sleepless in Seattle) are perfect.

Favorite TV Shows: Grey's Anatomy and Sex and the City are absolute must-haves on every Facebook profile, regardless of whether you are man, woman, child, old person. These shows totally capture the spirit of modern society. Women can, like, have it all - an awesome, sexy career, be sexually liberated, and have an awesome wardrobe designed by Comma de Garcons. It is not a TV fantasy, dammit!

Favorite Books: Always put The Great Gatsby. It makes you look somewhat deep because it's about, like, the corruption of the American dream, I think. Also, everyone read this in 12th grade English, so boys know that the last time you read one of those old-timey classic books that had meaning was when Mrs. W made you! Always include chick lit books because they are like fantasy life porn for the modern woman - a cute but endearingly awkward heroine lands a hunky, rich investment banker through a comedy of errors. Guys will think that you are non-threatening intellectually this way (yay!).

Favorite Quotes: Always quote Grey's Anatomy, Sex and the City, or Gandhi. Greys always has a deep Meredith quote at the end of the show, and like, this is advice every girl should follow (aka whatever superficially and deceptively deep crap Shonda Rhimes thought up on the fly that week). Shakespeare is acceptable only if it is a cliched, frequently quotable quote, like, "My love is as boundless as the sea."

--By Mariam and Farrah, MS1s who have a profound love of Veronica Mars. Dawn Ostroff, if you're out there, don't cancel!

A Drawing and Story from the Back Row

One day, when Farrah and I should have been paying attention during class (that's how one becomes a true healer), Farrah drew a picture and I wrote a story in an exercise of artistic synergy. The experience of creating art together was truly transcendental.

The beach was darker than usual. The waves lapped against the shore with a swoosh…swoosh. Lana had never been to Sandy Shores beach so late at night, and the chill of the air caressed and massaged the whiteness of her cheek.

She usually wasn’t so daring. She was a good girl – got straight A’s, fed her dog, did her homework with an extra vigor not previously seen before at Sandy Shores High, and she even drank eight glasses of water a day (but as a result, she had an overactive bladder and felt really bloated for most of the day).

Anyway, Lana’s life had changed one day when she stopped by the local SavMart to pick up her 2% milk for her whole grain cereal (“a wholesome breakfast for a wholesome girl,” her mother always said). Marcus Flutie, the dangerous wild druggie had stopped her.

“Hey,” he said in a deep sexy voice. Lana had always been frightened of him – their lives were complete foils of each other – the good girl with a virginal quality and the bad boy, who owned dirty Metallica and Nirvana t-shirts.

After that soft, breathy “hey,” they were inseparable. Tonight she had snuck out of her split-level home for a midnight tryst on the beach with Marcus.

She waited for him by Rocky Cove, an inlet on the far side of the beach. She heard a shuffling behind her.

“Marcus,” she said breathily. But the shadowy figure was too large to be Marcus. The night was jet black, and suddenly, Lana felt uneasy, frightened even. Paralyzed by fear, she looked at the sea, which was black as ink, instead of its usual beautiful aquamarine. The romantic night had taken a macabre turn.