Pakistani People and Jane Austen

"EMMA WOODHOUSE, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable
home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings
of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with
very little to distress or vex her."

And so, begins Jane Austen's beloved novel that countless generations have enjoyed, especially recently given her recent revival amongst women prone to liking romance under the restrained setting of empire dresses and candlelight. What is the appeal of Jane Austen, I am sure many males have wondered. The specific struggles of the women in the novel are not at all universal, especially within American society, where mating rituals are much more relaxed, having the advantage of alcohol as a social lubricant to free the tongue and loosen the inhibitions. Her appeal, I think, lies in the fact that Americans can examine romance in the Regency era with a museum-like fascination, where reticence and social convention overruled the wild passions of the heart.

Little do these readers know that such a society exists where Jane Austen's archaic, nineteenth century values still thrive. Welcome to Pakistani society, where marriage is run in a very similar fashion to Austen's society. Of course, this is a rudimentary social theory that I have developed, so one can dismiss it with elaborate counterpoints, but if Malcolm Gladwell can get on the New York Times best seller list with a similar endeavor, then I should be welcome to pop sociology on a mere blog.

I have never been an ardent fan of Jane Austen, mainly because I am a literary snob, and I heard that many critics dismissed her as the 19th century-version of chick lit (you know those books that are pink and have aggressive shopping bags on the cover). I made this casual dismissal of Jane Austen fairly early on, despite Virginia Woolf devoting an entire essay on her. However, in 1996, I saw Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson and slowly realized the eerie similarities with the ways my fellow Pakistanis went about the marriage endeavor.

For instance, if one has five daughters like the Bennet family in Pride and Prejudice, the matriarch of the Pakistani family spends an aggressive amount of time befriending other ladies who have eligible doctor sons. Doctors are the modern-day equivalent of a first born son of an earl or a bachelor with "12,000 pounds a year," like Mr. Darcy. Doctors are one's preference because all Pakistanis are fundamentally bourgeois at heart- they have a stable income (upward of $100,000/year), keeping the daughters in nice handbags and modest split level home in the 'burbs of Chicago, as well as elevated social status. It seems paradoxical to me that doctors are the son-in-law of choice for Pakistanis because these days, most girls do have careers (or at least they do initially before the obligatory babies come into the picture). It's not like in Austen's time, where Lizzy or Marianne Dashwood were penniless and marriage was means out of a life of destitution. I guess being colonized by the British has lasting psychological effects.

Also, amongst conservative Pakistani families, the courtship of a high-spirited girl and her eligible bachelor is done very delicately and with great propriety. It is not considered proper etiquette to be left alone with said male due to religious considerations. However, unlike Austen's time, no one goes for strolls outside (in the Regency era, it was only proper for men and women to socialize privately out of doors). Hip Pakistanis favor hookah bars (halal and very chic) as a great place to get to know the opposite sex.

Just like in Austen's novels where Mrs. Dashwood and Mrs. Bennet, both were actively engaged in finding their children a suitable match, Pakistani mothers also actively get involved in their offspring's search for "love." "Love" is narrowly defined as "person who very strictly confines to family's idea of good match - i.e. steady job and good family." A very popular phrase amongst Pakistani parents is, "There is no such thing is true love. You grow to love, just like us!"

Now, no theory has credence until it is backed up with empirical evidence, so I began a rudimentary experiment on my mother. After watching Mansfield Park, I called and my mom and asked, "Mom, say you have a daughter who married this really boring old dude, who is kind of an idiot. She's not happy so she has an affair with a really hunky Lothario and runs off with him. Would you be shamed forever?" My mom is often confused by hypothetical "What if" games I like to play. Most foreign parents, arguably, are as they look on at their child as they are strangers and think,"Wow, my child is so weirdly American" Nevertheless, my mom says, "Yes, marriage is forever. She ruins her family's good name." See, we are just like Jane Austen's novels! And so, my theory of Pakistani society being behind 200 years has some credence.

And so, dear blog reader, if you like Jane Austen films and novels, look no further, just take a glimpse into Pakistani society.

--By Mariam, who is very excited about the political activities in Toledo this weekend!