My Sparkling Personality....

I am a huge fan of self-aggrandizement. For example, I think about my sparkling personality quite often. Other adjectives I use to describe my personality are "infectious," "witty," "sweet," "quirky," and even "eccentric."

In my 19th century British lit class, my professor once said of Oscar Wilde: "He was such an incredible conversationalist that his friends were amazed at his on-the-spot witticisms." At the time, I thought how weird it was that Wilde was remembered for his conversational skills rather than say, the convoluted genius of The Importance of Being Earnest. But then, eventually I wondered if I was the reincarnation of Wilde, an incredibly witty conversationalist, a type of person whose witticisms people remembered and posted on their Facebook profiles under "Quotes" (the 21st-century version of Bartlett's).

Of course, I thought that my comical and enthusiastic conversational style would be very helpful to me on my medical school rotations. I thought that 3rd and 4th year would a time when I would shine - I would literally charm these overworked, tired individuals with my exaggerated Southern drawl and cute expressions. My friend Blase even told me, "I'm sure patients love you!"

Ah, Blase, if that were reality.In fact, I have had a fair share of strange, awkward moments rather than charming moments of cuteness. Instead, I have found that some of my more awkward, decidedly less personable classmates have had a better time integrating themselves into the hospital hierarchy. Here is a round-up of some awkward moments for your reading enjoyment:

1) Last week, when rounds ended, I asked senior resident whether I should shadow him for the rest of the day. He told me, "Sure, I'm going to get a drink." I started to converse with him about some inane topic, and we kept walking down this really narrow hallway. Suddenly he stopped outside a door and said, "Uh, I have to use the bathroom." I had literally followed him to the door of the men's room without realizing it.
"Uhh..sure! Sorry!" I said and quickly booked it down the hallway. Yesterday, he actually told me in advance he was going to the bathroom so I wouldn't make the same faux pas again.

2)I was obsessed with trying to bond with our senior resident even though he was a strictly business. One day, he told us to read a boring biography about some doctor dude. I randomly said, "I started a humanities club at the medical school!" Silence all around. Yauss merely stared at me with an uncomprehending face that seemed to say, "Why did you just say that?"

3) One day, I went to use the phone on the hospital floor at the same time a rather heavyset nurse with over-processed blond hair reached for it. Ever polite, I said, "Oops sorry." She gave me the once-over, and rudely said, "What are you? Like 12?" Instead of saying, "Actually 11. And I'm going to be your boss one day. Unfair and scary, isn't it?", I said, "Uh, no...uh 24?"
"I must be getting old!" she said (most likely).
"Are you...uh...going to trust me when I'm a uh doctor?" I said nonsensically.
"If you learn to talk," she said. And scene, conversation over - no witty comeback, no biting remark. Just me mumbling and making no sense whatsoever. I resolved that I would give her one of my trademark withering stares the next time I saw her, but unfortunately, I have already forgotten what the nurse looks like, since all old, large ladies look the same to me.

4) #4 if too sensitive for blog, so if you are my friend and a girl, please ask me about the Aveda make-up bag incident.

Hopefully, my next rotation in pediatrics will go better - I love cute, fat babies, so if I'm unable to charm people my own age, maybe a kid will be easier to please.

--By Mariam, who thinks the Palin lady is very pretty but at the same time scary with all of her gun and anti-abortion talk.