The Question of the 2nd date hike: The Inaugural Survey of the Safety First Ladies Survey Train

I blogged previously about the tiresome world of internet dating (see post: Willing to find true love, but only with a coupon).  I didn't learn my own lessons, because history repeated itself as I just completed another 3 month run of internet dating (with a coupon) with no improvement in prospects.  But that's not the point of this blog, this blog is about the dates themselves.  Today, on the last day of my 3 month membership, I was set to go on a second date with somebody I met from the site.  The necessary back story to make sense of the ensuing events is that we had actually started texting a month earlier. I had joined the site prior to moving to my current city (pretty bold single lady move), which usually resulted in an awkward moment in my first e-mail where I confessed I didn't live in the city yet.

"A second date, how promising!" you might incorrectly presume... Our first date was a weeknight at a local pub where the conversation was pleasant, but not exceptional.  There wasn't a lot of chemistry at the first date, but in an effort to "put myself out there" I decided to give this person a second chance.  We arranged to meet for a second date - he asked "museum or a hike?"  I immediately thought, "hike with a person I just met, NO WAY," and picked the museum.  We arranged to meet at a museum the following weekend, until he canceled due to a vicious hangover.  I was less than impressed with this behavior, but a few days later he sent his apologies, so we arranged to go to the museum again today.  I figured everybody is allowed to have an off night.

Then this morning, he sent an early morning text, "Good Morning!  Soo I was thinking... it looks like a beautiful day today.  Would you like to do some light hiking instead?  The museum isn't going anywhere :) Up to u."  I abhor the use of the letter "u" for the word "you" but I'm working on pushing my boundaries and being open minded.  In this spirit of being open minded, I looked at the yelp reviews of the hiking destination, and it seemed quite popular.  It seemed like a crowded place, though I didn't know anybody who had ever been there before.  I agreed we could try the hike - he offered to drive, but it started to make me feel uneasy - I still didn't know this person well to let them drive me out of town 20-30 minutes for a hike.  This is when I harnessed the power of my lady friends to ask "is this safe?" in what I'm calling The Safety First Ladies Survey Train (TSFLST).

These are the responses I received within the hour:
- Michelle: It's likely going to be well populated given the weather.  But if you don't feel comfortable you can always suggest going to the park and walking around the local reservoir, or just tell him you've been looking forward to the museum.  Send his name and number (just in case!!)
- Betsy: I don't think it's a good idea kid... oh it's a second date?  I still don't know if it's a good idea kid.   He probably won't murder you, but if he does those are pretty high stakes.  Back out kid.  It he's a good guy, he will understand the change in plans.
- Abby: Approval
- Kat: hike vs stroll (I'm not sure what this means?)
- Katherine: it's sweet.
- Anna: Depends on the distance, if it is a paved vs isolated way.  Also is this your style? All sweaty?
- Carrie: Sounds like something you'd hear about on the news
- Julie: walk with a picnic would be good
- Sarah: Just you and him? ... send out a warning text if it starts getting sketchy.  A reservoir sounds like a good place to dump a body.  If he tries to murder you, poke his eyes out or kick him in the junk.... I'm nervous about this.  I'm also nervous about everything...  You've met him once? Maybe you should get to know him more! (nervous Sarah face)
- Samira (my sister):  I didn't really consider the murder aspect, but now that you brought it up, I don't think you should go to the woods with him.  That's weird that he asked you what you wanted to do, and then suggested changing to what he wanted to do.
- Suesie (my sister): I don't think it's a good idea.  Maybe if it was somewhere you were familiar with, but you don't know this place and he could lead you down any path and then just push you into the trees where he knows it's not crowded.  Back out, blame it on me.
- My mom: Are you crazy?

Now that so many of my friends have depicted this date being a future episode of Dateline NBC mysteries, I had no choice but to change the plans.  I was probably overreacting, and the results were mixed, but TSFLST had spoken, this is not safe.

We had the following text conversation:
- Me: So would you like to do a city hike instead to one of the downtown gardens? Sorry to go back on accepting before, I'm just not sure I want to drive out of town on our 2nd date. :p
- Him:  Oh ya... I was actually talking to my friend just now and he said it was kind of a weird time for a second date.  Lol I don't know.  I don't think about those things.  Maybe we should reschedule?
(Side bar - totally inappropriate use of lol, this guys texting style always made me upset)
- Me: Ok, yeah, maybe the hike another time, are you still up for hanging out in the city today?
- Him: I don't know.  I feel put off and weird now that you think I'm sketchy after more than a month of talking and meeting up.  You also initially lied to me in the beginning about being here before you moved.  I've been nothing but honest to you... And yet you're unfairly judging me.  I'm going to hang out with my friend this afternoon instead.  Sorry.  There's always a ton of people at that park btw.  Especially on nice days like this.
- Me: Sorry about all the bother.  This just doesn't seem to be a match.  No worries, have a good afternoon.
- Him: You too and good luck.

Some TSFLST was contacted for follow up safety reports.
- Michele: Not worth your time.
- Sarah: He probably wasn't your future husband, good thing you got out while you could!
- Betsy: Insecure much?!
- Jennifer: Booooooo.  You're too good for him anyway!
- Anna: DONE!  Delete his number

The lessons I learned: trust your gut, no chemistry on the first date means no chemistry ever, consult the Ladies Safety First Survey Train before accepting an invitation, all my lady friends are amazing, internet dating is still not for me.  Also, I was wondering, what do you think, is this safe?  Did TSFLST overreact?

-- By Farrah, who has deactivated her internet dating profile for good... she hopes