My Hero: David Sedaris

Remember when you had to write an essay in grade school about who you looked up to? In actuality, I don't because at Carlisle's Lower School, we didn't write pedantic essays like these and instead focused on learning Greek mythology, the PG-rated version. I never got to write that essay so here I am, writing it here on the narcissistic homepage of my dreams, the backrowballers blog.

Nevertheless, most of you, dear blog readers, probably wrote naively, "My parents, since they give me strength to attain my goals," or for the most religiously-inclined, "Jesus - what he accomplished in his 33 years of life is amazing."

My hero is David Sedaris, a humorist essay for the New Yorker and New York Times bestselling author. David is who I aspire to be, although he is culturally different than me in every which way - he, a bestselling, famous writer, former druggie, college drop-out, and a homosexual who lives with his lover in the French countryside, and me, a Muslim medical student, who majored in ingles (we can all tell whose biography is more unique!). However, we both are from North Carolina, and the way that he writes about Raleigh is really hilarious and ironic - he really describes it as a hick town filled with ignorant Southerners, but really, our capital city is the most cosmopolitan place in the whole state.

I still love David though, and I often imagine what meeting him would be like. I have already practiced the conversation in my head. Here's how it would go:

"Mr. Sedaris, I love all of your books, especially Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I'm from North Carolina, too. I can relate to your stories, although we come from different stations in life! You inspire me to write, and I want to write exactly like you. I get really excited if someone tells me I write like you. Can you read a sample of my writing? Will you marry me (despite your status as an infidel)? Thank you!"

Assuming David Sedaris doesn't get creeped out by my over-zealous proposals, he politely declines my offer of marriage, but agrees to keep me on as his protege. I give him this blog address, and he is duly impressed. I drop out of medical school, and together we co-exist peacefully in France, as he critiques my writing in his charming chateau. We collaborate on a collection of humorist essays entitled, Life on the Outskirts, where we regale charming, tragicomic stories about our youth as the subaltern in the boon docks of North Carolina.

Experience the genius of David Sedaris

--By Mariam, who by the looks of it is avoiding the study of phagolysozomes.