Below is a sample Facebook profile that will help you win friends, guys, and ummm....pretty!
Activities: All activities must be super girly (ex. shopping, going out, girly, fruity drinks)! It's okay to like some masculine things, like college basketball (or for God's sake, at least feign interest in it) so that you can have something to talk about with guys.
Interests: Hopefully, girl-appropriate interests. If you are unsure of what that is, then you need more help than even the backrowballers can give.
Favorite Music: Do not put obscure indie bands as your fave music. Guys will be intimidated by your pop culture knowledge. Acceptable: Paris Hilton's "Starz are blind." Not acceptable: Nada Surf, Marcus Eaton and the Lobby.
Favorite Movies: Never put foreign films, movies about the Holocaust, or any other pretentious Oscar fare as a favorite movie. Are you trying to look smart? Romantic comedies starring Kate Hudson or more old school movies with Meg Ryan (a la Sleepless in Seattle) are perfect.
Favorite TV Shows: Grey's Anatomy and Sex and the City are absolute must-haves on every Facebook profile, regardless of whether you are man, woman, child, old person. These shows totally capture the spirit of modern society. Women can, like, have it all - an awesome, sexy career, be sexually liberated, and have an awesome wardrobe designed by Comma de Garcons. It is not a TV fantasy, dammit!
Favorite Books: Always put The Great Gatsby. It makes you look somewhat deep because it's about, like, the corruption of the American dream, I think. Also, everyone read this in 12th grade English, so boys know that the last time you read one of those old-timey classic books that had meaning was when Mrs. W made you! Always include chick lit books because they are like fantasy life porn for the modern woman - a cute but endearingly awkward heroine lands a hunky, rich investment banker through a comedy of errors. Guys will think that you are non-threatening intellectually this way (yay!).
Favorite Quotes: Always quote Grey's Anatomy, Sex and the City, or Gandhi. Greys always has a deep Meredith quote at the end of the show, and like, this is advice every girl should follow (aka whatever superficially and deceptively deep crap Shonda Rhimes thought up on the fly that week). Shakespeare is acceptable only if it is a cliched, frequently quotable quote, like, "My love is as boundless as the sea."
--By Mariam and Farrah, MS1s who have a profound love of Veronica Mars. Dawn Ostroff, if you're out there, don't cancel!
12 comments:
You forgot one thing. Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.
I don't know how to say this, but excellent blog you two chicks...just one question, that girl on the far left, is she single??? Also, why are they trying to land just investment bankers, give the doctors some credit too you know? Ok, kinda long, but you girls know how to be girly! GREAATTT SUUCCESS!!!
clueless quoter is my hero!
wait a second, i have a shakespeare qoute on my facebook...
that was an awesome blog given the level of copycatting going on these days. single brown blogging is a not just a crime, its a sin.
p.s. mariam is hot
I have been mocked to my inner core.
We will not go out for cosmos this weekend, NOT COSMOS, THIS WEEKEND!!!!
I like you but I don't have to love you right now,
Tiff
oh yeah, I forgot cuz I was soooooooo mad...
Kisses!
MUAH!
xoxo!
Everyone's comments have been supportive. I'd especially like to thank Sally R. for being a wonderful collaborator. Together we make beautiful art.
what is that website where people post blogs about MCO students and rumors!
oh wise tutors of all things girly, i have remote similarities to some of the things you list: my birthday is also jan 17, like on the sample profile, i like fruity drinks, etc. does this mean i'm at all girlish and closer to getting a rich b/f?
- sarah's sister, rachel, who is popping her backrowballers' blog cherry tonight, but adores it already, and will probably frequently visit it from now on.
Wow. I am thoroughly disgusted by this advice. This whole page is garbage and it saddens me to see what is happening to our culture. I ask myself why I see so much of the dumbing down of our culture, and this page answers my question. Its creeps like you that are slowly numbing the minds of people everywhere. You should be ashamed of yourself; and I honestly feel sad for you if you dont feel ashamed. I hope someone sees what I'm saying before it is too late.
Wow, somebody can't read sarcasm. It's already too late for them.
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