Traumarama: Girl with big hair can't shut up

When Mariam introduced the idea of a “Traumarama” section on our blog, I had no idea I would have so many awkward experiences to share. Most of these experiences have happened since I entered medical school. I am almost positive I was not this awkward before. Maybe it has something to do with all this extra oxygen in Ohio; it’s going straight to the “make a fool of yourself” center in my brain. Back in Colorado, I am quite chill (I hope). The names in this particular traumarama have been disguised to protect the innocent people who had to put up with me.

It was the first week of orientation, well really my first week in Ohio. I was following some important advice my mom gave me back when I was attending school in Boulder, “People decide vhat dhey vill think of you vhen dhey see you. It is important for you to look nice, dry your hair straight, and put on some makeup. Don’t be a hippies!” I was trying to look nice and make a good impression – I’m sure we all were. My hair is naturally curly, but it doesn’t fall into lovely ringlets. It kinks and turns into medusa-like sprawlings. That morning I spent a good hour flattening my hair and putting product in it. Despite my best efforts, I really didn't understand how to prevent my hair from becoming frizzy in the humidity. As the days went on during orientation, my hair slowly grew to gargantuan proportions. I knew my first impression had gone from “there’s that quiet girl” to: “Does she own a hair brush?”

We had just gotten our school IDs in the lounge, and were given our obligatory ration of Marco’s Pizza. I was one of the last people to arrive to the food. I carried my pizza around desperate for a place to sit down. There were some round tables outside with benches, but all of them were occupied with one person on each bench. I had met a few people, and I saw two friendly faces sitting at a table with two other people. I went over and asked Daphne and Velma if I could sit with them. They agreed even though Velma had to move over so I could squish myself onto the tiny bench. I recognized the two other people, Fred and Shaggy, from the first night of orientation at Doc Watson’s. That night, I had asked Fred about normal things like where did you go to school and where are you from. I also had a brief conversation with Shaggy about going abroad over the summer and the various recreational plants grown back at my alma mater CU. I didn’t really know what to talk about at this lunchtime gathering. Well, apparently nobody else knew either.

Over the next half hour, an awkward conversation ensued. I found out that Daphne lived in Toledo. Little did poor Daphne know that she would become my go to person during the awkward silences. I would take a bite of my pizza and wait for somebody to say something. When I was done chewing and it was still silent, I decided I would have to speak. I broke the silence so many times that I was turning into that chick that can’t shut up. I was just a little nervous around new people and in a new location. Over time I would mellow out, but that day, I really couldn’t shut up. Here are some highlights of the conversation:

Me: So Daphne are there any good concert venues in Toledo? Do any good people come through on tour?
Daphne: Yeah there are a few places here in Toledo. We get a few people come through town, but mostly you go to Detroit to see a specific name.
Me: Oh

** Awkward Silence. At this point I considered asking about their musical tastes, but I knew I would emerge as an awful pretentious music snob and kept my mouth shut about it**

Me: So Daphne, are you into comedy at all? My roommate and I last year were really into Mitch Hedburg. We would quote it all the time, and I still can’t get out of the habit.
Daphne: I haven’t heard of Mitch Hedburg, but there is a comedy club here. It’s pretty fun to go to, next time they have a show we can get a big group and go.
Me: Sounds awesome. I can’t believe you haven’t heard of Mitch Hedburg. He’s got really funny stuff. His CD has this base playing in the background, and you can just tell he’s high.
Fred: I haven’t heard of him either.
Shaggy: I saw him online. He’s pretty funny.
Fred: Oh
Daphne: I’ll have to check him out. Maybe we can go see him?
Me: He's dead. Drug overdose.

**awkward silence. I decide to break out the long list of Mitch Hedburg jokes in my head**

Me: He has this one joke I really like where he’s like you know how a traffic light works. Well, a banana is like the opposite of a traffic light. Green means wait. Yellow means go. And red means where the fuck did you get that banana?

**Halfhearted chuckle followed by awkward silence. I wait for the shock and awe at how funny Mitch Hedburg’s jokes are - It doesn’t come.**

Me: He has this other joke where he’s like I saw a wino eating grapes, and I was like, “dude, you have to wait.”

**more halfhearted chuckles, and then of course awkward silence. But seriously blog readers, you should go check out Mitch Hedburg - I swear his jokes are funnier than I'm making them**

It was just so awkward. The silence loomed over the conversation for so long, and I felt like the only person willing to break it. This is how most of the conversations went over the course of the week. Fortunately, I later met Abby and Sarah who jumped right on board from the moment I mentioned my first Mitch Hedburg joke and repeated a different one right back to me. It was truly a magical moment.

--By Farrah, who should probably learn something about neuroscience now