When I moved to dreary, flat Toledo from sunny, supremely awesome North Carolina, I was apprehensive about the type of people I'd meet in the Midwest - I expected classmates who talked like bit players from Fargo and liked cheese, football, and family values (a la Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby).
I was partly right with the notable exception of the BackRowGangstas/Mafia (I am unable to keep up with whatever hoodlum name they are calling themselves each week). While this group of foreign kids trash talk about the backrowballers and spread negative propaganda about our blog on their site, they still warm the cockles of my jaded heart and inspire warm, cuddly feelings that I thought were reserved only for Chinese babies and puppies.
The BackRowGangstas/Mafia include: Ashot, Shlee, Elvis, Tahir, and Roman. These guys all say (except for Shlee) they are bad ass mother fuckers in the manner of Donnie Brasco or Tony Montana, but I know that they are as cute and sensitive as a custom-made teddy bear from Build a Bear in the mall. These guys are real softies despite all their posturing as original gangstas, "who shoots first and asks questions later."
The following is a helpful chart that separates the myth verses reality of the backrow guys as they struggle to establish themselves (unsuccessfully because they are such cutie-wootie students) in the footsteps of giants like Vito Corleone.
The "Gangsta" | Myth | Reality |
Ashot | "An Armenian thug who shoots first and asks questions later" | -A nice guy who enjoys being nice to people and not making judgments about them unless they are Turkish. -Also likes historical books about Native Americans, Jane Austen, and foreign affairs. |
Shlee | "We got a direct descendant of King Xerxes who will bitch slap you back to Persia" | "We got a direct descendant of King Xerxes who will bitch slap you back to Persia" (but not while the Lakers are playing). |
Elvis | "Badass Balkan from Albania" | -The only true thing is that he's Albanian, really liked anatomy, and loves cubicles. -Likes European soccer and enjoys calling close friends "douchebag. " |
Tahir | "One Pakistani Caliph Jamil who'll cut your head off if you look at him wrong" | -He's from New Jersey, drives a Honda, and sees dead people. Oh whoops, that's Haley Joel Osment. |
Roman | "An Uzbeki Jew who is part of the Russian Mafia" | -A Jew from California who likes to say "Niiiice" in Borat voice on a regular basis. -Is not a part of the Russian Mafia, but does let grandma set him up on dates, which I can only assume to mean that he loves his family like a nice Jewish boy. |
--By Mariam, who is totally kidding. No offense, y'all.
7 comments:
I have to admit, that was really funny, well done. But prepare for war! just kidding
PS I don't really like Jane Austen, I just read two books of hers. Although I like her much better than those men eating feminists in the likes of Kate Chopin
Your mythbusters like blog is truly informative. If I could give you kudos, I would.
xoxo
This is a sad day in back row history, what happend to the good old days when blogs were more interesting and had a story to tell, or a point to make, rather than hate to spread?
im curious if this blog will continue over summer while u all are away from med school or if it will die out unti u all get bored again when classes start back up again
Long Time Blog Reader - You obviously haven't seen real Haterade, have you? But hey I'm sorry that we didn't entertain you. We can't please everyone as the recent Izzie-George hook-up on Grey's Anatomy has proven. xoxo
who cares if this blog will continue, its not that good anyway. however the backrowgangsta blog will continue all through summer, that is my GUARANTEE!
Wow, I just read this for the first time...I am just ... speechless. I am so not eating Halal anymore with you Mariam. %@$# it. But really, nice expose
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