Tales from Backpacking

As a twenty something in the new millennium, I pretty much had an obligation to go find myself backpacking through Europe. So, I saved up all my money for a year and ran around to five countries last summer. I decided to make a travel journal of my adventures. I would sit in museums and make sketches and poignant reflections of the art in front of me - yep, I was that pretentious looking chick. Towards the end of my month long adventures, I was getting pretty tired and more eccentric from all that hostel life, and it showed in my journal entries. We were traveling in that Venice of Eastern Europe - Prague. I left about this time last year, and I'm pretty much filled with nostalgia about my magical adventures. So now, for you, here is an abridged entry from my travel journal from June 12, 2006.

THE DEFENESTRATION OF BIERTNEY

(in case you are wondering, Biertney is my BFF and travel buddy's nickname - given to her by my grandma who couldn't pronounce her actual name of Brittany)

Our two heroins woke up late on this warm June morning, for they were sleepy heroins. The woke up and they knew that they needed CULTURE! So narrowly escaping the first defenestration of Prague, they made their way to the National Theater. They passed countless MEMBERS OF THE RESISTANCE MOVEMENT, but they could not stop and help resist - They needed tickets to the Opera! They arrived at the theater and were met with this ominous sign:

Ztp. tehotne zeny a prislusnici obdoju maji prednostnipravo nakupu.

Translation: Physically impaired, pregnant women, and members of the resistance movement take priority in purchasing tickets.

Our poor heroins! They should have joined the resistance movement or gotten knocked up! Alas, it made no difference because when they checked the schedule there was only drama - no opera or ballet, and our heroins still do not know any Czech. So they continued on in their exploration of the fair city of Praha. Aboard the tram and up the hill, they found the large grounds of the Prague Castle. Guards stood at the door - guns blazing, looking dapper in baby blue. They snuck past the handsome young guards using their feminine wiles and wit. The fair ladies decided to explore the Old Royal Palace first, leading to the site of the second defenestration of Prague. With all the excitement and mystery of defenestration in the air, Farrah jumped in on the mob mentality and tried to defenestrate Biertney. To no avail however, because apparently Biertney is undefenestratable.

Our heroins made peace with each other, and moved on to see the coronation jewels - which they would try to steal because that's what Carmen Sandiego would have done. They explored the crypts, but there were no jewels to be found! So they went off to the History of the Prague Castle exhibit to learn more about the grounds, and snuff out the jewels. Finally, they saw the jewels behind the glass in that very history exhibit! The coronation jewels were however not all that impressive. In one crown, the jewels had been replaced with glass (no doubt by Miss Sandiego herself), and in the other crown the jewels were large but harshly cut, unpolished, and generally un-pretty. Our heroins considered taking the jewels and perhaps having Tom Shane spruce them up a bit, but they were being watched by grumpy troll-like guards. They left the exhibit, and went down the Gold Alley where the Alchemists of old used to work tirelessly. Farrah could really respect that all that chemistry went down there, even if it was foolish chemistry. They walked down the alley to discover that they had paid for a ticket to walk down an alley of stores = LAME!

--By Farrah, who may be an aunt as early as TOMORROW!